THE PROBLEM
I have been struggling for a few months to get my medication and management of my mental health on track. I'm feeling so depressed, anxious and panicky, intertwined with being angry and frustrated.
On the days I make it to work, I am barely there, just floating through unproductively. I've had to take more time off than is allowed for sick leave annually, and I receive a "final written warning" for "abuse of sick leave" after another such an absence. One more violation and I will be dismissed. I begin to flirt with the idea of leaving.
Here's the thing - this job is not a bad one. Logically it's a good job, the highest paying job I could currently hold down in this industry. However, by this time, the atmosphere in the office is more than uncomfortable. It is damn near suffocating.
It is the 20th of August, and I have drafted my resignation letter. I contemplate handing it in today, with no back up plan for a new job. I decide against it.
THE JOB HUNT
I begin my big job hunt. I am trying to find something better, different, new, anything. At this point my plan is to secure a job offer, then put in my notice, and leave my job amicably after working out my notice period.
About 5 interviews down the line, each of the opportunities seem more like a scam or a pyramid scheme. When you get the impression that an interviewer is "selling" you a job, run!
It is the 26th of August, and I have revised my resignation letter. I think today will be the day - but I manage to float through again.
I have almost given up hope. My brain, my man, my dad (my go-to reality check opinions) all advise me to stick it out and secure that new job before I resign. My mom and my best friend urge me to do what I feel is right, and assure me of their support no matter what I do.
It is the 1st of September, and I have again revised my resignation letter. I almost quit, but can not see the logic, and feel like I am "not allowed" to.
THE PROPOSED SOLUTION
With the "final warning" looming over me, I take a day off, and then another one. I was physically unable to make myself go to work. I return to work later that week, to disappointed management. They offer to accept my immediate resignation and pay me for the month if that is what I want. I am still not seeing the light, as I have no other job in place. I assure them I still want to work there, if we can just adjust the working environment and situation. We discuss further and decide to spend some time working out what "reasonable accommodations" they could possibly make for me to be happier and healthier at work.
Early the next week I propose the solutions I believe will make a difference. Management agrees to allow me to work from home for one day per week. In addition, they also agree to change my work hours to 9am - 6pm instead of 8am - 5pm. They also make sure to mention that this is a two weeks trial only, and that they do not see it as a long term solution.
A little while later on this same morning, my boss calls me to her office. She confronts me with a print out of mine that she accidentally got hold of detailing a meeting time and address for a job interview I have scheduled for later in the week. She is personally offended. There is some mention of it "feeling like a slap in the face" and "what more do you want from us?" I apologise, and try to explain myself. It doesn't really work, and I return to my desk shell-shocked. Management leaves the office for an appointment.
THE QUITTING
The quitting is now inevitable. I just wish I could do it with more finesse. Leaving a handwritten note (I have abandoned my long-written notice letters), I quietly pack all my things from around the office, and I leave at midday while management is out of the office. I dishonestly say "See you later" to my now former colleagues, and I leave. This incident is indeed the last straw that breaks the camel's back.
THE JOB HUNT AGAIN
As with most camels, I have plenty of reserves stored in my hump. After a day or two of rest (ok, two minutes) I set to work applying for EVERY job I can that seems even remotely plausible. I go to interviews, and meet with many of the same dead end jobs I had already been considering. I keep going though. The adjustment to my medication is starting to lighten up my mood, and I have not even cried about quitting.
I get all excited about a possible job, doing internal sales for a company that sells portable toilets and bathroom handwash dispensers. This alone illustrates to you the extreme desperation I felt at this point. I promise myself not to jump at the first opportunity, though I feel the urge to, as I have no money, no job and no plan, and it's the 9th of September.
My parents arrive two days later for a short visit from Germany. They stay over one night, and we discuss the current job interviews I have lined up. It still seems like nothing is worth it. By morning, we get to talking about whether or not I'm interested in getting back into IT.
THE SOLUTION
I disclose to mom and dad that I have vaguely considered taking a programming course, looking at how lucrative the IT field is. My worry is that this will involve mathematical algebraic logic, which does not come naturally to me. My dad suggests considering getting into Microsoft CRM consulting. He currently works for Microsoft in pre-sales for CRM systems, doing presentations of the capabilities of the system all over the world. From his experience, there is a shortage of CRM qualified consultants available, and more and more work becoming available to implement and customise CRM solutions - worldwide.
He advises that it will take me about 30 days to learn the course material. Then I need to pass an exam. Once I have done this, my dad knows some big players in the industry personally. He is confident that he will get me at least a handful of interview opportunities, based on my new certification. There is also an international recruitment agency that specialise in placing CRM related workers.
Finally I find out that I can become an "expert" CRM consultant in as little as 3 years, and that the entry level salary is 30% more than what I was earning before. Even better, the potential salary after 3 years is likely to be 3 times my previous salary. There is the opportunity to go abroad. There are also many avenues of CRM that I can branch off into once I get started - project management, sales, consulting, business analysis, CRM architect and more that I can consider.
I know that I can do the job. I worked on a 3 week CRM project with my dad when I was about 17 years old, as a CRM consultant. I found it simple, yet delightfully challenging. I decide I AM IN!
Now for the logistics. Here I am, spending almost 2 months at home, doing self-studying to become certified in Microsoft Dynamics CRM 2013 at my exam on 13 October. My parents are supporting me financially, which I will be forever grateful for. It's one of those loans parents give their kids with no interest or repayment terms. (I promise I will square it up Dad, just give me a few months!)
Once I pass the exam, it is onto interviews, and soon after I will have a more lucrative and enjoyable career!
CONCLUSION
This quote has gotten me through tough times since I was 16:
'If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces,
never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.'
- by Flavia Weedn
