Stuck Again - is it me vs my brain?

I am stuck again.

Stuck wondering where my life has gone and where it is going.

Stuck between a job and a paycheck.

Stuck between productivity and rebelling.

Stuck in my mind. I can see no way forward. Just on and on and on.

I can not see the wood for the trees. I am living in a circle, no longer moving forward, just treading water. Just staying alive, not living.

I think it is my evil twin telling me these lies.

For when I check the facts, I am managing to hold down a job for stability while my significant other commences running his own company as of this Friday.

I am holding it together every day, although I do not feel like I do it well enough. I feel like I screw my work up on purpose because I wish they would fire me - though this I also know not to be true.

I am really struggling to find out what MY thoughts are, and what are just socially constructed lies that my brain reckons I should believe.

Which way is up again? I will hang around to find out I guess.